Patricia Stoltey
It is my pleasure to feature Patricia Stoltey as our guest blogger today. I hope you will post your comments or questions, as she is on hand and ready to reply to your comments. And thank you, Pat, for taking the time to interact with my readers today. Your professionalism and talent are an inspiration to many.
Paying Attention Might Change Your Life by Patricia Stoltey
Pat, thanks so much for inviting me to visit Voice of the Spirit. I’m especially honored to be here as I’m a big fan of your inspirational memoir Dance of the Electric Hummingbird and admire the commitment and the hard work it took to get your story published. Everything that happened for you indicates you’re someone who pays attention.
For me, paying attention means observe, notice, listen, and interpret. Instead of charging through my day as if I were in complete control, I need to feel the underlying message, test my interpretation, and then act with confidence.
A few years ago I stayed with my mom in Illinois after her knee replacement surgery. Over the years, I’d tried hard to convince her to move to Colorado to be closer to me, but she couldn’t decide. My brother and his wife lived nearby, and because of their health issues, it would have been harder for them to travel to Colorado than for me to visit Illinois.
Just before her surgery, however, my brother had to move to a town closer to health care providers and Mom was unable to make the move on her own. Now just out of the hospital and still on pain medicine, totally dependent on me, she was at her most vulnerable. I wanted to swoop in, take charge, and move her to Colorado.
It didn’t quite work out the way I wanted. As I watched and listened to what my mother and brother were not saying, which was far more revealing than what they were saying, I realized there had to be a better solution. I had ten days left in my two-week stay, and only seven of those days were weekdays. In that time, I rented the only available apartment in the same complex where my brother now lived, and it just happened to be a ground floor apartment which was critical because of Mom’s arthritis. I found a local mover who could transfer her furniture and possessions immediately. We got the house listed for sale, everything packed, the move completed, and a caregiver to visit each morning to finish Mom’s therapy from the surgery.
I believe nothing happens that fast, without a single hitch, unless I’m 100% doing the right thing. That conviction eased my disappointment and helped banish any regret I might have experienced later, especially during those inconvenient layovers in Chicago’s O’Hare airport.
And guess what. The force is still with me. As I got older and a little more creaky, Frontier suddenly added a direct flight to an airport only 45 minutes from where Mom (now age 93) lives, and there’s a convenient shuttle between the cities. No more all-day travel events with four hours to kill in O’Hare.
Serendipity is often seen as a mere surprise or accident, synchronicity as coincidence. I don’t believe that for a minute. I’ve experienced way too many surprises and coincidences in my lifetime. I think it’s because I look for them, I expect them, and I express my gratitude for every signal and every sign.
Here’s another little story for you. Not long ago, I received an e-mail through my website from a gentleman named Gary Sand who wrote a novel called In Dreams. Out of the blue, he contacted me and asked if he could send me a copy. He had figured out from photos, my website, and my blog that he’d written about my generation and that I now lived in the state where most of the novel is set. He had a feeling I might enjoy the read. Gary doesn’t aspire to be a writer of dozens of books, and he had no expectations for a review or publicity. Being the book lover I am, I of course said, Sure.”
I put the book on the bottom of the To Be Read stack on my coffee table (a stack that seems to grow taller every week), but that particular book kept drawing my attention—I couldn’t help but wonder, “Why me? Why did Gary send it to me?” Finally I pulled In Dreams out of the stack and read it almost straight through. I ended up in tears…twice.
Gary’s novel told of events in my own life experience, events Gary would have no way of knowing. The parallels are stunning. His story was almost like a rap on my head, a reminder that we are all connected and we should pay attention to our instincts as Gary did by asking to send me a book. And I paid attention to the signals that said, “Read Gary’s book now, because you need a reminder to count your blessings.”
There are a couple of books you might want to read if you’re interested in these topics. Rhonda Byrne’s The Magic focuses on gratitude. Alex Marcoux just released Lifesigns: Tapping the Power of Synchronicity, Serendipity and Miracles.
Now how about you? Do you pay attention?
Links:
In Dreams (http://www.amazon.com/Dreams-Gary-Sand/dp/B005CHKIAI/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1351028939&sr=1-1&keywords=In+Dreams+Gary+Sand)
Lifesigns (http://www.amazon.com/Lifesigns-Tapping-Synchronicity-Serendipity-Miracles/dp/0615627978/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1351028775&sr=1-2&keywords=lifesigns)
The Magic (http://www.amazon.com/Magic-Secret-Rhonda-Byrne/dp/1451673442/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1351028863&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Magic)
Bio:
Patricia Stoltey lives in Northern Colorado with her husband and two-year old Katie Kitty. She is the author of two amateur sleuth mysteries in the Sylvia and Willie series published by Five Star and Harlequin Wordwide, and she has three standalone suspense manuscripts in the works. The Prairie Grass Murders and The Desert Hedge Murders are now available as e-books for Kindle and Nook.
You can find more about Patricia and her books at her website (http://patriciastoltey.com/) and blog (http://patriciastoltey.blogspot.com/). She can also be found on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/patricia.stoltey) and Twitter (https://twitter.com/PStoltey).
Links:
Prairie Grass Murders: (http://www.amazon.com/Prairie-Murders-Sylvia-Mystery-ebook/dp/B004FGMT0Y/ref=tmm_kin_title_0?ie=UTF8&qid=1351031661&sr=1-1)
Desert Hedge Murders: ( http://www.amazon.com/Desert-Murders-Willie-Mystery-ebook/dp/B00960SI9K/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1351031721&sr=1-1&keywords=the+desert+hedge+murders)
Pat — thanks so much for inviting me to be your guest today. Sending a big hug your way.
I’ll be checking in periodically, but right now I need to chug a few gallons of coffee. Be back soon.
Pat, it is an honor and a pleasure to feature you today. Hope you get lots of comments, as you have been an inspiration to me from the first time I met you! Thanks again for everything.
Hi, Pat,
A lovely blog! I do agree with you about writers being people who pay attention–at least the good ones are. Use of the senses is critical to a writer, and then there’s always that 6th sense of intuition too.
Thanks for coming by, Jacqueline. I agree, writers are pretty darned good at paying attention. Not only does it lead to some very interesting experiences, but it comes in mighty handy when plotting and developing great characters.
Thus when we know it’s right, it’s right!
Glad it all worked out for your mom.
Alex, sometimes things just happen the way they’re supposed to.
Patricia, I thoroughly enjoy this article. And thank you for the reference links.
Hi Carole. I always find this topic interesting so I tend to be on the lookout for new books on the subject. As a matter of fact, that’s how Pat Walker and I first became acquainted. I had the honor of reading one of the early drafts of her memoir, Dance of the Electric Hummingbird (which I also recommend), and that never would have happened if we hadn’t both joined Northern Colorado Writers at the time I was doing critiquing reads of manuscripts for first time authors. And now here she is…a published author with a whole new family of writerly/bloggerly friends.
Thanks to you, dear Pat! Whew! And what a lot of patience that must have taken on your part. My first draft left a lot to be desired! But I did it and so did you. Like you mentioned, we just have to learn to pay attention to those little signs and synchronicities that we so often dismiss as ridiculous. When we listen with our hearts, that’s when great and amazing things are opened to us.
Thanks for your wonderful article. I hope people are aware of your books and will check them out if they haven’t already. You are not only a great person, but an inspiring writer. And yes, if it wouldn’t have been for Northern Colorado Writers, I wouldn’t have met you and a lot of other talented people who have all contributed to my book. We are the sum of the great people in our lives, are we not?
We most definitely are…and we are so lucky to belong to this wonderful writing community. It’s a blessing.
So what advice would you offer to others who are desperately wanting to focus more on the synchronicities and serendipity in their lives, but just don’t seem to be able to justify them?
Hmmm. Advice? It’s hard for people with busy lives to slow down, take a deep breath, and (yes, it’s a cliche, but a good one) smell the roses….although at my house it’s smell the lavender. And when folks feel the idea of being connected to the universe and receiving messages is a bit too woo-woo, they’re reluctant to recognize and acknowledge these “coincidences” as anything other than a weird accident.
Meditating, or simply sitting quietly and relaxing helps. Quiet your busy brain, respect your intuition, and don’t be afraid to listen. And take the time to read what others say. It would be a terrible shame to charge through life full speed and miss half the fun.
Wonderful advice! So many of us “charge through life full speed and miss half the fun.” There is so much more to life than what’s on the surface. Slow down. Pay attention. And listen with an open heart. Thanks so very much, Pat.
Pat – Thanks for sharing your story. I think too often we don’t pay attention as we should. We don’t simply…observe. You did and it’s a very good thing you did. Actually I think writers in particular do well when thy simply pay attention.
Hi Margot — thanks for coming by. I had to do a lot of tuning in during my working years because I supervised a diverse group of people. That was very handy preparation for writing.
i love the way pat expresses herself–and they way she is so calm—her surroundings sound very important to her writing, which i can really connect with
Thanks for the kind words, Lynn. Learning to be calm was a process, and it took awhile. It’s worth the effort, that’s for sure.
GREAT post, Pat!
I’ve experienced this same force so many times – from my move to Sacramento to the decision to open my law practice – and even in getting my agent, Sandra Bond. I went to the RMFW conference 2 years ago wanting to meet her, with a sense that she was the right agent for me to work with – and even though I didn’t get a pitch appointment with her I just knew I needed to talk with her. I stood up after dinner Saturday evening – and saw her sitting alone at the next table over. The moment came, the window opened, I pitched the novel….and the rest is history. She signed me a month later, and everything has worked out amazingly since.
It’s so, so true that we have to stay focused and pay attention to what’s going on around us, so we can act when we find ourselves in the right place with the right prompting to do something.
Thank you so much for the reminder!
Hey, Susan, thanks for the great comment. I love stories like yours. It’s real, it happens all the time, and paying attention really can change your life.